This April, I was assigned a portrait for a series on suicide and its prevention. It's a surprisingly large issue in what's often considered Happy Valley. 

I already get nervous and anxious in a regular portrait situation and this was obviously no different. I really wanted to make a photograph that wasn't just a dimly lit subject next to window, the usual go to. So when I arrived, I met the family who had lost a son just over a year earlier. The mother showed me around and we ended up deciding to make the portrait in her son's room, which was still decorated with all of his things as well as some photos of him. 

I remembered something I learned while attending the Eddie Adams workshop in 2013. I believe it was Eugene Richards who was speaking. He told of making portraits while having a conversation. He would ask subjects if they were open to having a no-holds-barred, deep, meaningful conversation. He truly wanted to know the very depths of his subjects. Then, with prior permission, would shoot as they'd talk. The work resonated with me. It was different than what I was taught in journalism school, but felt more real, honest, and story telling than something stiff.

I gave it a go this time, and it was immensely fulfilling, if that's the right way to describe it. The mother was grateful to tell her son and her family's story. We cried together as I learned I was sitting in the very corner of his room where it happened. It was emotionally exhausting, but I think it's unfair as a photographer to walk into someone's home and not try to open yourself up to how they feel. You have to make it about them, not about you taking a photograph. It was the only way my heart could feel in the right after the assignment, and it felt good to learn and take something home. I still found it hard to release the shutter, but I think that thought process is good and important. 

Give it a go sometime when connecting is important to you...and the person you're photographing.

Trina is comforted by the family dog, Bubby, while interviewing in her son, JC's, room, in American Fork on Wednesday, April 15, 2015.

Thanks for looking,

Grant